Chapter 1 --- Speeches from Kim Jong Il

TO THE PEOPLE OF KOREA - KIM JONG IL (1942)

Is hello everybody! Is good see you! As you is knowing, I am now the leader of the contry is North Korea! And as you leader, I is have many agendas that I is very much want to do for the country of my citizen. Wait, I is mess that up, I is meaning the citizen of my country of North Korea. Firstly, I is want to make very good economy because people is know that economy is a very important part of the country. In order to complete the is task, I will is print very much more money and is make everybody millionares! Yes! You people is like that idea? See I is very in the hood with is Snoop Dogg! Also, I will is lower the price of everything is to one penny so that many of people can buy thing like Ferrari and bread for is very little amount of the is money. Next thing that I is want to do, is to make us very powerful country by buying is many robots is possible for to make army of very many robot for to destroy all of the China! See? You is cheer? Very much good idea? See I is very in the hood with is Snoop Dogg! Next things first, I would like to make many of television and many television of show. Like the Gossip Girl and many other of good show that we is love watching always! Finally, I will is make many of prostitute and the of transsexuals in order to for to have is very happy country where is everybody is loving Kim Jong Il and of they prostitute is well. Thanks is to everybody who is for to voting for me to is been office! That is was very nice of thing for is you to do! Oh, and is one more thing that I is had to say, I will is make many of hospital in case if is many sicknesses person, than that is hospital will is take care of people that is sicknessed so that I will have many people that is alive in me country, instead of is many dead body, because those is very stinky and is many other bad things. Right? Is good idea? Thanks is to me to for everybody is thank you!

TO THE PEOPLE OF KOREA - KIM JONG IL (1952)

I want is first to is apologize because I is not do many of things that I is said that I was for to do. I is sorry and I will is get to it, but I is only make many prostitute and transsexual so I was is very busy for long time. Ok, so now I will is begin to implant my plans in to order make Korea is very strong. First I will is have to take all of the money and go on trip to Hawaii to a is rehabilitation department to deal wis my many is problems. Then, when I is come back, I will print very much money for to make everybody is billionare! Then I will make everything free so that money is no even matter so if you is lose you money than you can still is have many things like Jackie Chan movie and is Ferrari! Secondly, I will is be very good politician and make sure that I is always bend the truth and make very bad ideas. Oh! You is like that idea? Is coolio? Good! Also, finally, I will is also make a police force to is kill all of the is racoons that is in the street and then once year we will is have big festival where we is roast the racoon and then is make good dinner and send message to other racoons is not come to North Korea!

TO THE PEOPLE OF KOREA - KIM JONG IL (1962)

Greetings to all you is people is my in country. I is like to first say thank you for is coming to hear my speech. There is a few agendas that I is like to run you over with. First, I think that Pokemon should is become a national holiday! Secondly, I is think that we should make many Roman-looking things so that people will are thinking that we is a superpower! Thirdly, I is believe that we should steal Europe overnight and bring it back to North Korea so we can have more space to hang out in! Pily, I think its would be a good idea to have to come here Mariah Carey to sing song very nice for us. She is smoking hot baby! Finally, I think that we should build a rocket ship and blast it towards the moon because I think it would be fun to try and the explosion would create a very pleasant skyline for many people to view. Thanks you very many!

TO THE PEOPLE OF KOREA - KIM JONG IL (1972)

Ok, I is begin to for run out of ideas for to make my country is many betters. We is has a national holiday for the is pokemon