That explains everything...
That explains everything...

Chapter 1 --- Poems from Biegfried Bassoon

WHY? - BIEGFRIED BASOON (1969)
Because, many people seem to be content with that answer
But they are retarded or are alcoholics
Well alcoholics aren't that bad, after all I
Am one.
What is the answer to why?
Why the answer is because
But that is not the answer
Or is it?


THE ABYSS OF NIGHT - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1900)
I stare into the abyss of night and look at it
I grasp my life in my hand for a bit
And then my friend comes with some booze
And fuck this poem... I have booze now!


THE HANGOVER OF LIFE - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1900)
I saw my life pass before me
I said "Hey life I see you"
He said "Hello"
And then my friend comes with some booze
And fuck this poem... I have booze now!


THE YARN - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1897)
I play with yarn from time to time
It makes me feel inclined to rhyme
My cat likes yarn too
But his IQ is 0.2
He's an idiot as you can tell
I want him to die and go to hell
He is a dumb cat
He makes fun of my collection of hats
So screw you dumb cat
I'm going to beat you with a baseball bat!
And then my friend comes with some booze
And fuck this poem... I have booze now!


MAH FISH DEAD - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (2010)
I'm dead. My fish is dead.
And then my friend comes with some booze
And fuck this poem... I have booze now!



THE MEANING OF FIFE (I MEAN LIFE) - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1845)
I think I saw this in a magazine once
I don't know what it was
It was like a picture of something
It was like 420x340 pixels
And then my friend comes with some booze
And fuck this poem... I have booze now!


I THINK OF YOU WHEN I HEAR THE WORD "L" - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1901)
What is my name?
Where live I?
Have I a place of residence?
I know not the answers to these questions
But I know two very important things:
One) KFC is really good
Two) I think of you when I hear the word "L"
What means "L"?
What makes me think of you when I hear it?
I know not the answers to these questions
But I know two very important things:
One) KFC stands for Kentucky Fries Children
Two) I think of you when I hear the word "L"
Why are you who you are?
Are you still reading this?
What does why mean anyways?
I know not the answers to these questions
But I know that chicken is good.


WHEN THE WORLD RUNS OUT OF PIE - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1999)
Oh god. I can hardly imagine the day.
When the world decides to be gay
And rid the world of all things eh?

On this terrible day, the world will lose pie
And the world will also lose I
Becase I cannot live in a world without pie.

If we lose pie, the government might as well shut down
Because all of the people that will frown
Are going to bring the government down

I love pie so much that I could marry it
And make it into my wife for a bit
And then release it back into the wild fit

Of life without pie.


WHAT IF SHAKESPEARE WAS GAY? - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1969)
O.M.G I would say
I cannot believe Willy Shakes is gay
Then I would weep till May
And probaly shoot myself in the fa...
ce...

If he was gay, I might decide to be too
Willy Shakes as you know was pretty cool
But I'm heterosexual and he is too
And in the end it will never be true!

And booze is good!


2+2 = 6 - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1942)
Not! You just got punked!

THE UNGRACEFUL MONK - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (1923)
I knew a monk once, he was a good friend of mine
But he was very ungaceful he was
But that was okay because it was not his job to be graceful
The pope beat him in checkers one day and then the monk killed him
Not cool monk, Not cool...
But deep down the monk was pretty cool.
Because he is the "friend" in this phrase:
"And then my friend comes with some booze
And fuck this poem... I have booze now!"


TO BE UNVEILED IN 2011 - BIEGFRIED BASSOON (2011)
Yea, I bet you guys are really antiipating this poems arrival
But its already here one year from now so what are you waiting for
Grab some booze, eat drink and be merry! I know thats what I am doing all the time
But please drink responsibly
Seriously...
I'm begging you guys... otherwise I could go to jail
Seriously..