Chapter 1 - Volume 4:


One day, when John Doe was walking through the Marmelade Forest, an idea came to him. It wasn't until he made it to the Cottage Chesse Cottage between the Make-Believe Trees that he was able to fully understand the broad scope of his epic new idea. He entered the rusticly decorated cottage and spoke with the being within.

"Albi? Are you home?" inquired Mr. Doe
"Yes, who goes there?" responded Albi
"Its me John Doe?" inquired Mr. Doe
"Why is that a question?" responded Albi
"I dont know" responded Mr. Doe
"What do you want!?" shouted Albi quite racistly
"I want to tell you a most wonderous idea that I came up with this morning whilst walking through the Marmelade Forest" said Mr. Doe
"Well do tell!" commanded Albi
"What if people decided to revolt against the government?" said Mr. Doe
"Well, I'm pretty sure there would be upwards of 15,000 casualties" stated Albi
"So what?" mocked Mr. Doe
"God doesn't like his creations being destroyed!" yelled Albi
"Ok.... Ok.... that wasn't my idea anyways!" asserted Mr. Doe
"Oh, well what's your real idea then?" inquired Albi embarassed
"Well, what if I invented a device that could take control of the entire world?" asked Mr. Doe
"I think Mari Juana tried that once, she still hasn't gotten out of the slammer." said Albi
"Oh, what did she ---"
"He" corrected Albi
"What did he.... create?" asked Mr. Doe
"Marijuana, he named it after himself that selfish fellow!" screamed Albi
"Ok then..." said Mr. Doe thoroughly confused by Albi's anger
"Well lets see then, what kind of device would you create?" asked Albi
"A mp3 player like no other that would take control of the minds of everyone over a period of time." said Mr. Doe
"Oh what a wonderous idea, and what would it be called?" asked Albi
"The iPod!"

Well now you are aware of the most epic conspiracy of all time, now it is our job to inform you as to how this all played out. Another day, when Cpl.Sgt. Steven G. Jobs was walking through the Technological Forest between the Wonderfully-Designed-But-Crazily-Overpriced Trees he came upon the iCottage Cheese Cottage and spoke with the iBeing within.

"iAlbi, are you home?" inquired Mr. Jobs
"Yes, who goes there?" responded iAlbi
"Its me Steve Jobs?" inquired Mr. Jobs
"Why is that a question?" responded iAlbiyoyoyoyoy.jpg
"iDont know responded Mr. Jobs
What do you want?" Shouted iAlbi quite racistly
"iWant to tell you the most wonderous idea that iCame up with this morning whilst walking through the Technological Forest" said Mr. Jobs
"Well, do tell!" commanded iAlbi
"What if iCreated a new device that could take over the world twice as much as the iPod?" said Mr. Jobs
"How is it possible to take over something twice as much?" responded iAlbi
"iDont know. Just ask the iPad!" unveiled Mr. Jobs
"Is this a sales pitch or a question?" responded iAlbi
"Well... it was more of a sales pitch really. Can iFinish?" asked Mr. Jobs
"Sure, iGuess iHave some time" responded iAlbi
“Ok. So the iPad is a device similar to the iTouch-Small-Whales that contains a Gigibillionjillionzizilion GB’s of storage!” bragged Mr. Jobs “
"So what?" mocked iAlbi
"Shut up Piggy!" referenced Mr. Jobs to Lord of the Flies
"Ok.. continue..." grumbled iAlbi thouroughly defeated
"Everyone knows that a Gigibillionjillionzizilion GB’s of storage has the capacity that a human brain does" nerded Mr. Jobs
"So if iSet it to the same brain frequency as every person iWould be able to take control of everyone's mind twice as much" nerded Mr. Jobs again
"And then you could create an army of drones?" asked iAlbi
"Precisely" nerded Mr. Jobs for the third time in a row
"But what about the uPad?" asked iAlbi thoruoghly concerned
"iShall use the powers of the iPad to destroy his corporation known as Pear Inc." states Mr. Jobs evily
"Who is he?" inquired iAlbi
"Sboj Evets! CEO of Pear Inc." yelled Mr. Jobs evily
"Oh, well good luck with that" said i Albi

Now you know what Mr. Jobs plans to do with the iPad so consider yourselves warned, however there is much more to this enticing plot line. This is the confrontation that takes place between Steve Jobs and Sboj Evets.

"Can iHelp you?" said Mr. Jobs
"No, uCannot be of any ASSisstance!" pwnd Mr. Evets
"That was a good one, iWill admit that much!" conceded Mr. Jobs
"uBet it was!" pwnd Mr. Evets again
"iCame here to ask you a question" said Mr. Jobs slyly
"Funny that uShould come because I have a question for uToo!" responded Mr. Evets
"iWill ask first!" stated Mr. Jobs
"Fine, uCan ask first" conceded Mr. Evets
"Do you want to die at the hands of my new mind-controlling machine?" asked Mr. Jobs
"No I don't. But do uWant to die at the hands of my new mind-controlling machine?" asked Mr. Evets
"No iDont!" asked Mr. Jobs
"Well I propose a rousing game of tic-tac-toe to decide who's mind will be controlled" proposed Mr. Evets
"Fine, iWill play this game with you" said Mr. Jobs
"Yes, uBet uWell. " forced Mr. Evets

So they battled and so Mr. Steven Jobs pwnd the n00b that is now Mr. Sboj Evets. He then enacted his plan

"Darn uMr. Jobs!" yelled Mr. Evets in utter defeat
"Yes iHave acheived the epic win. Eat it Mr. Sboj!" mocked Mr. Jobs
"Now iControl your mind" triumphed Mr. Jobs
"No uWill never defeat me" last-standed Mr. Evets
"Yes iShall and now iHave!!!" enacted Mr. Jobs

And so it was done, Mr. Sboj Evets was the only man who knew the truth, and now his mind has been taken over, so there is no one to stop Mr. Jobs from marketing his iPad to the whole world. Mr. Jobs returned to the Technological Forest, walked through the Wonderfully-Designed-But-Crazily-Overpriced Trees, and entered the iCottage Cheese Cottage. And spoke with the being within:

"iAlbi, are you home?" said Mr. Jobs
"iAlbi? iAlbi!!!!" concerned Mr. Jobs
"I have slain iAlbi!" triumphed uAlbi
"Holy monkeys, who are you?" asked Mr. Jobs quite confused
"I was a good companion of Mr. Sboj Evets and I have come here for revenge!" said uAlbi
"But iDon't want you to take revenge on me!" said Mr. Jobs
"Do uThink I care?" said uAlbi
"Well, to be honest iWas kind of hoping you would because iAm all out of ideas" conceded Mr. Jobs
"Well then, I guess uAre just going to have to be incinerated then!" revenged uAlbi
"What's that?"
"What, What"
"Dang it Mr. Jobs, don't play games with me! uWill now die!" said uAlbi
"Darn you Mr. Jobs, uWill pay for this!" angered uAlbi
"Pay for what?" mocked Mr. Jobs
"Pay for your crimes of course" obvioused uAlbi
"What crimes?"asked Mr. Jobs
"Well mostly crimes against humanity, but we could probably ring uUp on a few felony drug posession charges too" stated uAlbi
"Oh, shoot. I knew that was going to come back and haunt me!" said Mr. Jobs
"So eat this!" fireballed uAlbi
"Too bad iHave an iShield handy at all times!" victoried Mr. Jobs
"Too bad uDon't have a Dragon-Slapping-u-In-The-Face-Shield" triumphed uAlbi
"Too bad iDo happen to have an iDragon-Slapping-Me-In-The-Face-Shield!" victoried Mr. Jobs
"Shoot. Sboj was right, uReally do make everything!" conceded uAlbi
"Yes, yes iDo! Now its time for me to take out my iCurb-Stomp-Dragons-Device and pwn you!" won Mr. Jobs
"No!!!!!" curb-stomped uAlbi

And so it was ended, the next chapter must be written by you, the citizens of this world. Don't fall for the wonderously packaged items and sleek designs. Resist the urge to have your mind controlled. We must revolt against Steve Jobs in order to create a society in which people will actually have control of their brains.